Grace, Rejection, & Gratitude

Today I would like to share with you the raw experience of what it was like breaking into the world of project management and a handful of the lessons I learned along the way. My journey into this discipline has taught me more than I could have imagined it would at the onset. It is my hope that in sharing my experience I can offer to you encouragement along your journey. Though not the beginning of our story, I’d like to take you back to the day that I sat for the PMP exam.

The long-awaited day arrived, and I sat in the chilly testing center. I had studied my brains out and worked through hours of practice questions. All of the preparation came down this moment. My mouse hovered over the final "submit" button at the end of the PMP exam. Shaking, my stomach in knots, I knew that clicking the button would advance me to the next screen, which would tell me the results of my test.

Sweating in my seat, I repeated this internal mantra:

Trust yourself. You know what you know. Trust yourself. You know what you know.

I clicked. 

Peeking through my fingers (seriously, just picture it), I looked at the screen. Relief washed over me as I saw the blessed word I was looking for: Pass.

When I tell you that I danced out of that testing center, friends, I danced. I boogied.

Fast forward a few months. I'm applying to job after job. Showing up to interview after interview. The result? Zilch. Nada. Nothing. I wasn’t celebration-dancing anymore, this was a never-ending failure tango. A big fat slice of failure.

Cue self-doubt.

I'm a failure.

I'll never be good at this job.

I'm not cut out to be a Project Manager.

I'm an imposter.

This went on for months.

Now, it would be easy to say that one of those experiences was a grace. And that the other just … sucked.

Sitting on the other side of both of those experiences, I can confidently say this: 

They were both a grace.

You see, grace crashes like a wave. Picture this. You’re standing in the surf with your feet sinking into the sand as the water laps and foams around your legs and ankles. The spray of the water sprinkles your skin and glitters in the sunshine—a truly paradisiacal tableau.

The flip side of that moment -- the moment that isn't in the movies -- is when those same waves shift with the tide. They wash in with ferocity and knock you straight on to your butt in the sand. The salt stings your eyes, and water rushes up your nose. Choking, you make your way away from the waterline to catch your breath.

Both waves are a grace.

Stay with me.

In the midst of my fail-season, there came a turning point. I could throw in the towel, telling myself that I gave Project Management a good ol' college try. Or I could square my shoulders and get back in the ring for another round. A familiar mantra continued to play in my mind.

Trust yourself. You know what you know. Trust yourself. You know what you know.

It is easy to feel gratitude when we reach our goals or when we get a new promotion. It is easy to be thankful while sitting on top of the world. It is easy to feel grateful when the water kisses our skin rather than slaps it.

But what about when we get knocked down? What about when there is no harvest to reap? What is there to be grateful for when no one is calling for a follow-up interview? What is there to be thankful for when we feel like we're failing? 

Where is gratitude in rejection?

What if I told you this:

Rejection is protection.

Rejection is time for preparation.

Rejection is redirection.

The jobs that never called me back? A protection. The applications that never panned out? A redirection.The time to learn and develop my skills? Preparation.

The wave that knocks you flat out? A protection. A message from the water saying, "come back another time. Come back when the tide turns."

Every protection and redirection is a profound grace.

And I am oh so grateful.

Wouldn't you know it, today I have a job that I love. I am fulfilled and making a difference as a Project Manager. Spoiler alert: I’m good at it, too! That could not have happened if my story had played out any differently. I could not have made it without the protection, preparation, and redirection of every so-called "rejection."

Cue gratitude.  Looking back, I can see how each and every stepping stone was carefully laid to bring me to where I am today. I am profoundly grateful for every grace I have been given: the sweet and the sour graces.

Every experience is an opportunity—a stepping stone along our path. Every journey has mountaintop vistas and deep valleys. They are each a grace. A protection. A preparation. A redirection.

If today you find yourself in a valley, if you find yourself knocked flat on the sand, let the wave crash. Drink in the message of the valley. A day will come when those formative lessons bolster your message. A day will come when the grace of those moments becomes clear. Gratitude for those moments is a gift to yourself. Hang in there. A day will come when the valleys make way to vistas.

I invite you to find your graces today. Write them down and reflect. And know that every step in your journey is bringing you to exactly where you need to be.